The Tears of the Soul

Blame it on Paulo Coelho, The Great Alchemist. Or rather, thank him for it.

It was a small passage that I read in his latest book, Aleph, which released a soul memory in me, a month or so ago. Since that moment, I have been turning the idea for this blog around & around in my head.

Recently, my wonderful friend C happened to blog about tears. A happy coincidence….otherwise known as Synchronicity giving me a head’s up that it was time to write this.

So this soul, my Blue Soul (for the roots of my name see About Anima Blue) thought it was time to blog about a special experience, about The Tears of the Soul.

The Tears of the Soul are not like tears that come from the human heart. Tears from the heart can be about grief, sadness, pain, heartbtreak and occasionally happiness.

But The Tears of the Soul come from the most profound place within ourselves. Within our souls. The Tears of the Soul come out only when you experience the most sublime experiences, when you have become totally *immersed* in the deepest bliss. In those times you are literally One With The Universe and that incredible fount of endless unconditional love and almost heart-breaking beauty.

Reading a few words by The Great Alchemist brought me back to that place.

The place and time and dimension when I wheeled among the stars and moon and soared with the Anima Mundi, the world soul, which consists of all the souls of the world united in one voice, one light, one love.

The place beyond compassion, beyond empathy (which says a lot considering how empathic I am). There is no need for any compassion at all at this level. Because the soul next to you, and every single other soul around you is perfect and made of the most amazingly pure energy. Souls don’t hate. Souls don’t worry about every day problems. For the soul knows it is infinite and eternally perfect.

How incredibly beautiful it is for me to cry those Tears of the Soul, when I am simply overcome by this bliss. It’s Rumi’s “Soul Of The Soul Of The Soul.” The soul opening all the way to its deepest profound centre, like the petals of a lotus blossom, or the energy vortex of the chakras. Layers upon layers of the soul and soulfulness.

“Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”
- Rumi

I have been blessed with having experienced such moments in this life-time.

Many times I have experienced these Tears of the Soul moments when I am alone, in the most ordinary of places, like when I am riding the subway. Sometimes I am overcome when I look around and see all the Higher Selves travelling around me and their incredibly luminous light.

And there are times when I have shared such a deep moment of sharing with friends that those Tears of the Soul just effortlessly spill out of my eyes in gratitude of this special sharing with others. With my soul brothers and sisters.

I have been so blessed by this gift.

Sometimes I forget the experience, this mind-transcending experience. But one day, my Alpha & Omega Self , always reminds me, as I make it back to a universe of bliss.

May you experience The Tears of the Soul at least once in your life, dear readers.

 You will know then * know * you are as you were meant to be.

 Blessed be,
Anima blue

The Voice and The Silence

In order to find my voice, I had to lose my voice.
Life is funny that way, no?

I recently came down with a throat infection and literally had to stop talking. And those who know what a chatty cathy I can be, would know that losing my voice would definitely impact me.

But I discovered that I liked having no voice.

I was stuck at home, voiceless, delirious with fever, and it gave me time to think about things. Yes blogs I want to write. But also about my dreams and things I want to accomplish in my life.

Suddenly I had a craving for complete silence, going beyond just the silencing of my own voice, and I turned everything off, to not hear the sounds – the noise – distracting me from my thoughts.

The only thing I listened to was the whispering of the trees. I had missed hearing it, noticing it, that soft sigh. For the whispering of the trees is a sacred sound to me. It reminds me to look around at this miraculous thing called life and the miraculous organisms living around me. It reminds me to look deep inside myself, to listen to my own heartbeat.

With the whispering of the trees I connect to a profound Silence. A silence felt in my soul. Kind of like the mad scientist’s aha! moment, but sounding more like a simple YES. In that simple YES there is a remembering of who I am and my soul’s path in this life.

The timing of this also fit in well with my reading a whole bunch of books from one of my favourite authors, The Great Alchemist, Paolo Coelho. More about his writings to come in another blog.

I had forgotten the bliss I felt when reading Paolo Coelho’s books. In his writing there is a sublime simplicity, a Truth of All Things, which often makes me stop to absorb these wonders.

And with the five Paolo Coelho books I read within my convalescence, it also brought me back to that sacred and profound Silence of The Soul. When the soul realizes its magnificence and abundance and is simply happy to *be*.

I hope you are blessed with a Silence of The Soul as well.

 Anima Blue

Reconnecting The Soulful Dots

Lately my mind has been occupied with one of my favorite activities: counting my blessings.

And when I count my blessings, the very special people in my life, who have crossed my path, are at the top of the list.

This past week, I tasted the tastiest soul food of hearing from not one, but 5 people who all hold a special place in my heart. Five souls that I lost touch with who I was so very happy to hear from again.

One was a dear friend I studied with many moons ago, who moved so very far away. A soul-sister with whom I used to share little haikus, silly little doodles, and moments of mindfulness. Another soul sister whose beautifully generous spirit I shared soul-nourishing alternative books and philosophies and a tender softness that comes with the best hugs. Another was my one & only treasured childhood friend that I still keep in touch with. The one I shared the madness of teen years with, and decade after decade of life-changing events. Another was a special young man, who sadly had moved to Toronto sometime ago. A young man filled with such a bright light and wisdom and love. And another special young man who is a very talented photographer. The young man who took my very mischievous portrait picture that grace a few of my websites.

Ah what goodness, what light from them all.

My day was made all the brighter from hearing from each of them.

And hearing from them made me think of all the areas of my life where I have been blessed with the connections that feed my soul.

All those Positive People in Toronto & all over the world who shared this spiritual journey with me.

The wonderfully eclectic collection of wonderful new friends I´ve made from the many events I´ve hosted & attended in my ever-busy social life.

The dear friend I found again after 10 years of searching. So far away across an ocean but so often in my thoughts.

My best buddy with whom I shared a night of sci-fi movie goodness and most excellent cheese, not too long ago.

My dear dad. Much too far away from me, who is in my heart and thoughts every day.

It is time to catch up with all my emails, all my phone calls, all my messages, with all the soulfully-rich people who have touched & blessed my life.

The Healing Power of Babies & Kids: The Spiritual Reboot

How appropriate for me to finally write this blog as I am slowly recovering from bronchitis.

But this blog has been on my mind for some time.

Now that I have internet access at home again, I can finally sit down and mull over my thoughts about this.

There is something special about babies and kids that can just bring the greatest light in the darkest of days.

When my mother passed away in November of 2007, it took quite some time before I could find some joy in my days. I remember the moment when I first remember smiling again. It was a very snowy day in January 2008. I was riding the bus home and got off at my stop. A woman with a tiny newborn in a stroller got on the bus just as I got off. It was such a beautiful sight and made me think – once I was a little newborn in my mother’s care as well.

I remember another day in the month of August 2008. I had just received some very bad news from the bank and then went to meet a good friend for lunch. We sat in the park and talked. I looked over and there was a young mother playing with her toddler son. They were playing badminton or horseshoes or some such thing. And the little boy must have been around 2 years old. You know that age when they just start to walk but their little legs are kind of rubbery, because they don’t have confidence yet in that walking thing? Oh it was just too cute. And it was a beautiful sunshiny day. Not a cloud in the sky. And the sight of that little boy playing with his mom just instantly lifted my spirit up.

A couple of months ago, I was having another bad day. It was one of the worst days I´ve ever had on the job. I had been yelled at by a client on the phone, chewed out by a supervisor and then lost my contact lenses at work so I couldn’t see the computer screen. So another supervisor sent me home to pick up a spare pair of contacts and report back to work to make up the time lost in traveling back & forth. So I headed back home and then off to work again. In one of the worst snowstorms of this year. So I was sitting on the metro on my way to work and trying to reboot my thoughts. When suddenly I saw this beautiful baby girl. She had the tiniest cornrows I ever saw and was dressed all in pink. What is it with little girls and pink? Anyway, suddenly she waved her little hand at me to say hello. And I waved a hand back with a smile. It was like this little miraculous creature knew I needed some cheering up. And it sure did the trick, I headed back to work with a skip in my walk in the middle of all the blowing snow. It was great.

Thinking back, another rough day in my life comes to mind.

Many, many years ago we had had a very bad scare with my mom. She had been rushed to the hospital when she just collapsed one day, She was misdiagnosed at first by a careless doctor with the worst bedside manner I ever saw. Basically, he took a look at some x-rays of my mom and said, “Yup. It looks really bad. Prepare for the worst.” And then he just walked off after saying that to our family. I felt my knees give out as I sat down hard on a wooden bench in the hallway where the doctor decided to dump this bad news on us. Oh and by the way. Within a week’s time, one of my uncles was also rushed to the hospital when he collapsed. He was sent to the Montreal Neurological Institute, where they found he had had a brain aneurysm. And he was literally across the street from my mom, who was at the Royal Vic.

So that was a very challenging time for our family. We kept both my mom & my uncle in the dark about each other & their being at the hospital at the same time. We spent our days going back and forth from both hospital rooms.

When you spend a lot of time in hospital rooms visiting, it takes it toll on you of course. One day I just had enough and went for a walk inside the hospital, trying to figure out how to change the thoughts in my head.

And then I had this most excellent idea. I decided to visit the newborn section of the hospital. I walked into the wing and looked through the glass at all these tiny little babies. They were in every shape, size and colour. There was even a redhead with a healthy shock of red hair on his little head. And the department? Oh it was filled with such joy. People were coming in and saying congratulations in every language imaginable. Carrying flowers, gift baskets and balloons. And a few weary new mothers were walking around with their beautiful new creations. All wearing the biggest smiles. It was just what needed. I breathed in all this beauty and joy with a happy heart that somehow felt lighter.

I do believe that there is something special about babies and kids.Their very presence is filled with such innocent wonder. Joy. Amazement at the workings of our physical world. And they are filled with such a pure sweet light. And love. Oh so much love.

Well, I highly recommend this “baby healing therapy” to anyone feeling a bit down or having a bad day. Just look around at a baby or kid near you somewhere. Or go to a place filled with them.

And just let their light heal your heart and soul.

My Spiritual Self

Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) – Heaven/Where True Love Goes

Well, with a name like Anima Blue, how can I not talk about my spiritual self?

A friend from my past who shares my Italian heritage described my nickname best: the blue poetic soul. Yes, that sums up what Anima Blue means to me, very well.

I have a curious soul and curious beliefs.

Beliefs like no other because they are a strange amalgamation of many different spiritual influences that crossed my path over the years. From the friends I made, of many different faiths. Of men I dated as well. Of posting in spiritual forums over the years out of curiosity to learn about others. Facebook has been a tremendous tool to nurture my spiritual growth. The Facebook group I started there – Synchronicity & *Being* In The Flow – was the thirsty earth that nourished so many wonderful sharing spiritual partnerships from the people who stopped on by.

So what are my spiritual beliefs?

Oh a good dose of generic Christian, with some Buddhist thoughts thrown in. Bits and pieces of other faiths and belief systems. I am fascinated by all faiths and believe all faiths have some core of goodness in them. Like the universal belief in LOVE.

Yes, Love. I added a video to this post because I find this beautiful song from Yusuf Islam (formerly known as Cat Stevens) so eloquently illustrates how there is Love within all faiths that believe in a Higher Power.

Do I believe in God? Well yes I do. Do I pray? How do I pray? Very personal questions, aren’t they? Well, I am not one to be a crusader and go forth to convert the multitudes into what I personally believe in. That would be hard to do for the simple fact that my spiritual beliefs are complex – yet so simple – but are hard to explain. Which is why I am kind of going round in circles here.

So this is how my spirituality manifests in me. I don’t know go to a church every Sunday. I stopped doing that when I was nine years old, mostly out of contrariness I think. Yes, stubbornness definitely runs in my family. I got a double dose from both parents.

Occasionally, sometimes a few times a year, on a good year, maybe at least once a month or more, I’ll stop in a church somewhere and pray. And sit for awhile. And get on my knees and recite some of the childhood prayers that I still remember. I’ll usually light a candle or two, for the loved ones that I have lost.

But often-times, this is how I pray. You know how sometimes you pick up the phone or dash off an email to a friend because you just remembered something you wanted to share, or you wanted some advice? Well that’s kind of how I pray. My conversations with God are simply a never-ending dialogue that start and stop when I remember. In good times and in bad. I try to remember to give thanks.

One thing I know is that God lives in my heart. I feel God’s presence most in those moments when I am feeling the most love.

So for me – God is LOVE. Simple as that.