Posts Tagged 'friends'

Strange Cravings In the Night

Tonight, I have this strange craving all of a sudden.

I’m craving a cigarette – real bad.
Now that is SO weird for me, on so many levels.

The last time I smoked was maybe exactly, ten years ago.

During the last of my university days, while I was a nervous student studying for finals. Well, one of my friends smoked (which was a rare thing in itself – I almost never had friends that smoked), and I started bumming ciggies off her once in awhile. And then I started buying my own packs. But I wasn’t much of a smoker, for the brief period of time that I did smoke back then. Must have been for about 2 whole months. I would buy a pack and it would last a week, with ciggies left over. The pack would go stale – just to show you how long it took for me to get through it.

Anyhoo, back in those days my biggest peer pressure were friends telling me NOT to smoke. And when my dad found out that I smoked – boy did he ever go through the roof. He literally gave me daily lectures about smoking until the day I quit.

And then one day I decided to quit. Funny how the details of that last hour that a cigarette was in my hands stayed in my head.

I was walking along de Maisonneuve street, across from Concordia’s Hall building almost to Guy metro, when I ran into this guy in front of the old Multimag store (where they opened a new Thai resto recently it seems).

Now I thought this guy was maybe a panhandler about to ask me for some cash, although he didn’t look too bad. Didn’t have that complete “street” look to him yet. But much to my surprise he had a different pitch to give me when I stopped to listen to him.

So I just happened to be the first smoker to cross his path (and I was literally smoking my last cigarette – I had sworn to myself it would be the last one) right when HE had decided he was giving up smoking. So he came up to me and BEGGED me to take his last pack of cigarettes because he had to give it up. I explained that I didn’t want it, that I was having my own last smoke. But he told me he was putting his pack down (on some pole or something nearby) and that I could take it – he would just leave it there. And he walked away.

Well, I was just amazed at the timing of this thing. I mean, what could be a clearer sign that I needed to quit?  Oh I guess this would have been a good entry for my synchronicity blog…lol

So I smoked my last smoke and managed to walk away from the siren song of a free pack of fresh smokes and called a friend and told her. Well, she was a big champion of the anti-smoking campaign and said GOOD. She certainly was happy to hear I quit and heeded the signs as well.

And I never had a smoke after that. Although I’ve had the odd craving over the years.

So why am I craving a smoke right now??

These days I am SO not a fan of smoke. I find it hard to be near smoke from cigarettes and the like, most of the time.

But I am craving it.

Hmmm where are those baby carrots when you need them??


My Spiritual Self

Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) – Heaven/Where True Love Goes

Well, with a name like Anima Blue, how can I not talk about my spiritual self?

A friend from my past who shares my Italian heritage described my nickname best: the blue poetic soul. Yes, that sums up what Anima Blue means to me, very well.

I have a curious soul and curious beliefs.

Beliefs like no other because they are a strange amalgamation of many different spiritual influences that crossed my path over the years. From the friends I made, of many different faiths. Of men I dated as well. Of posting in spiritual forums over the years out of curiosity to learn about others. Facebook has been a tremendous tool to nurture my spiritual growth. The Facebook group I started there – Synchronicity & *Being* In The Flow – was the thirsty earth that nourished so many wonderful sharing spiritual partnerships from the people who stopped on by.

So what are my spiritual beliefs?

Oh a good dose of generic Christian, with some Buddhist thoughts thrown in. Bits and pieces of other faiths and belief systems. I am fascinated by all faiths and believe all faiths have some core of goodness in them. Like the universal belief in LOVE.

Yes, Love. I added a video to this post because I find this beautiful song from Yusuf Islam (formerly known as Cat Stevens) so eloquently illustrates how there is Love within all faiths that believe in a Higher Power.

Do I believe in God? Well yes I do. Do I pray? How do I pray? Very personal questions, aren’t they? Well, I am not one to be a crusader and go forth to convert the multitudes into what I personally believe in. That would be hard to do for the simple fact that my spiritual beliefs are complex – yet so simple – but are hard to explain. Which is why I am kind of going round in circles here.

So this is how my spirituality manifests in me. I don’t know go to a church every Sunday. I stopped doing that when I was nine years old, mostly out of contrariness I think. Yes, stubbornness definitely runs in my family. I got a double dose from both parents.

Occasionally, sometimes a few times a year, on a good year, maybe at least once a month or more, I’ll stop in a church somewhere and pray. And sit for awhile. And get on my knees and recite some of the childhood prayers that I still remember. I’ll usually light a candle or two, for the loved ones that I have lost.

But often-times, this is how I pray. You know how sometimes you pick up the phone or dash off an email to a friend because you just remembered something you wanted to share, or you wanted some advice? Well that’s kind of how I pray. My conversations with God are simply a never-ending dialogue that start and stop when I remember. In good times and in bad. I try to remember to give thanks.

One thing I know is that God lives in my heart. I feel God’s presence most in those moments when I am feeling the most love.

So for me – God is LOVE. Simple as that.

Video Montage: The Flow
Following the flow of the universe, with a photo montage I created. The song is "Twisted Hair" by Robbie Robertson & The Red Road Ensemble, featuring the sublime operatic voice of Sioux singer Bonnie Jo Hunt, who sings over the sound of crickets.
Also posted on youtube:

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